I have grown and I have learned to accept the fact that at times even those with a childhood love story can’t always have a fairytale happy ending. For those of you that have this love, I wish you both a never ending fairytale.

Seasons has passed and of course there isn’t a time when I’m not reflecting upon our past or what you are doing. But the thing is, I am in love with our past. You became distant and it became harder and yet easier to accept to set you free. 

I am more proud of myself than ever because I have come to the realization that it is true that the hardest thing in life is to “let go.” This, I am sure of and I have matured and became stronger in many ways.

Of course I’ll be a bit jealous to see you with someone else, but I will not let my crazy female emotions get to the best of me. Instead, I will accept the fact that at times you have to set things free and see if it was ever yours in the beginning. Although the fairytale childhood love story comes to an end, thank you for a wonderful childhood.

So, with my best. My very best, I wish you love. 

screwsociety:

exploratio:

little crushes are so confusing
like go away feelings

YES

louieangelo-s:

Why do girls go crazy over idiots?

/)_-

female fail

As many people are living in the first hours of 2012, I sit and reflect as I await for the clock to strike 12. I can recall certain memories that has struck me this year and it has impacted me with the greatest 5 lessons throughout my lifetime.

The 1st lesson, is to take time seriously. Within a minute, a day or a month many things can happen to you and to others. It will seem as if the days will turn into months. There could be someone winning a lottery, a death, or a new born baby, arguments or people reconciling. Whatever the condition is, I’ve learned to break free from the negativity. Take a breath and recall those amazing memories from the time that made you smile extremely big and laugh. Take a breather and handle what you can and it will take you some spare time to be aware of your surroundings

The 2nd lesson is to never have expectations because you’re calling yourself to get hurt. Remember those times when you make too many plans and end up not going? Exactly.

The 3rd lesson is to never lose track on what you plan on doing instead of others deciding for you. There are times when you need to break free and break certain rules to make yourself happy.

The 4th lesson, it can be difficult to achieve your happiness since others’ will be dissapointed in you. Instead, your decisions will tend to make yourself live without regrets based on your actions, but your only regret will be hurting others. Hurting others has lead me to hold a heavy heart. At times happiness can’t be gain easily, but what is done is done.

The 5th lesson,  is try to create more memories to reflect on. Hang out with those you care for before there isn’t a chance. I’ve lost a mentor and a grandfather and it’s like a open wound that hasn’t been healed for months. One thing I’ve learned about crying is to never hold it in because it’s unhealthy and you cry because of the memories. People have known me for a someone cheery and so I try to cry without being seen. I consider myself strong and my grandfather’s last words to me was to make my grandmother happy. Without him being here, it is difficult to see others laugh and smile or to spend holidays without him. But, I have to laugh and smile away just to make my grandmother seem that everything is okay. Although I am holding a heavy hurt, these obstacles will surprise you of what matters most.

Lastly, try to be amazed everyday. View your surroundings like it’s the last time you’ll ever see it; you’ll appreciate it more. Visit your favorite places and make a new memory with the same or with a new person to share it with.

At times your greatest reasoning comes by reflecting. Goals will become difficult to achieve as your mind changes. You can have so many goals that you can lose track on what’s really important to you. As for me, I was lost and I cried during  mass.  I cried because all of the emotions and all what life had to give me, but it was a bittersweet cry. I cried and became comforted by God and felt comfortable in church that I was willing to open up to have others see my fallen tears. I did not want others to feel sorry for me, all I wanted was to cry just to get rid of the pain. 2011 has been a tough year filled of surprises, but through all of the lessons I’ve had, being comforted by my faith has been the greatest experience in my lifetime. It is true when Roman Catholic priests say to put your trust in God because through your toughest moments, God will always be with you.

I will end it with this note…As people are awaiting for the 2012 New York ball to drop, and confetti magically falling, or others watching a firework show, or awaiting their New Year’s kiss. All I need to do is smile at the amazing memories that 2011 has taught me and whatever the obstacles are, I’ll learn to overcome it and to accept what will be. The New Year is upon us. Many people has told me that the New Year would could lead a person to become better or worse. All I must say is that a person with a heavy heart will lead to become worse yet strong. But, the better person has something amazing that they look forward to and smile about. However, a person has emotions and at times it can consume them to feel strange. But whatever the reason or cause, it will bring a lesson upon yourself to understand who you are as an individual. 2012 will have many surprises and will be a new year for us to gain new emotions,  a new age, a smile, cries, memories and laughs, but a new year for all of us to share. I wish everyone a happy new year and I hope you learn and recieve the greatest gift of a lifteime.

It is quite difficult for someone to speak of their emotions and to “open up” to a certain individual. There are moments where Severus Snake has never spoke of love in public.  

I am surprised at myself. I’m beginnig to grasp the meaning of my surroundings even in more depth. My mind is generated my holding onto the concept of meanings and understanding, when in actuality it only can hold the information of education and this is not completely good.

At times during drives along the seaside, I ponder and think ahead of time and just completely contemplate of who I am and what’s next. The time when I became so aware of my surroundings was the image of my grandfather before he passed away…at that time I felt guilty.

My last image of him while he was breathing were those sad tiring eyes calling to the note of his last breath. I should’ve seen it then. My surroundings became completely anonymous to me at the time of gaining more applications of knowledged contributed by college classes. At times, I feel as if partially education is important, but your surroundings matters more.

Each day I hear an ambulance or see one on a road and I pray. I pray for their safety and I imagine what it was like for my grandfather to be grasping for air in an ambulance trying to rush it’s way through to get to a nearyby hospital. It was several minutes of heaving breaths that gained more seconds onto his life.

It is the surroundings that creates emotional value of understanding the aspects of memory and awareness. In the case of my grandfather when I have last seen him alive, I was running late and my ride was here at 5 AM just to go to school. The biggest regret I’ve ever had was that I haven’t told my grandfather that I love him or that I’ll see him soon. His eyes, oh his eyes were full of pain and sorrow. I’ve seen it, and I am in deep regret.

Later that day, my dad took me to the Comprehensive and that’s where I have found him laying upon the bed about to be wrapped up. My grandmother continuosuly cry while I prayed and having to let my cross be upon his hand. Prayers impacted me spiritually and emotionally in a complete deeper way. 

Now, as life continuously goes on…I am moving along with it, but I cry along the way. School will be school, another concept of understanding. But, I’ve gained much more than that…I’ve understood what the meanings of my surroundings are and how prayers became much more of an emotional state to me.

Once more, life goes on and I am moving along with it, but it is the emotional value of my surroundings that keeps me weeping and aware along the way.

I miss you grandpa!